Unplanned Pregnancy – Now What

Unplanned Pregnancy – Now What

Since this article has a lot of information I’ve linked a “Jump to section” below so you can choose what you feel pertains to you.

This post is more about offering help and options to those with unwanted pregnancies. Part of my story is near the end as well as a story written by a friend. Many helpful options, resources, and links are also included in this post. Below the pictures, you can click on the links and go directly to the section you want to read.

I hope this article will help give you some comfort and understanding. You are not alone. If you will reach out to some of the resources offered, you can have the support you need during this time.

Jump to Section:

If you are reading this, it’s because it was written for you. If you are a teen who has never had a boyfriend, this is for you… If you are a virgin this is for you… If you are a teen that is sexually active, this is for you… If you have found out you are pregnant but do not want to be, this is for you… If you have had an abortion and regret it, this is for you…If you have given a child up for adoption, this is for you. This is for adult women and teens.
If you are reading this blog, it’s not an accident. This is for you… Some of you are in search of answers and need help. You are about to make a big decision that will affect the rest of your life. I believe you are supposed to read this…This is a good blog for anyone to read because it can help you understand people who are actually going through this, and it may even help you to make choices that will keep you from being in this situation yourself someday.
For anyone who is pregnant and doesn’t want to be or is confused and doesn’t know what to do, I hope you find the answers you need along with encouragement, understanding, information, and the hope you are looking for.

Any important decision should never be rushed into, taken lightly, nor driven by anger, hurt, discouragement, or desperation. Being informed is the best way to make the best decision, especially when one choice can’t be undone once you have gone through with it. You need real information, no sugar coating, just the real truth. Plain talk.
** In a previous blog called, “Dating with a purpose”, I wrote about how to find a person who is right for you so you can have a chance at the happily-ever-after kind of relationship. I also talk about the decision of having sex and the responsibilities that come along with it.

 

 


Preventing Unwanted Pregnancies

Have you ever heard the old saying that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure? It’s actually very good words to live by.
Sex comes with great responsibility. It’s not just about being attracted to someone physically. Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies, not to mention unwanted STDs. So if you are sexually active, you need to be very responsible. I personally feel it is not biblical to have sex before marriage. It’s not because God doesn’t want you to have fun, but the boundaries set up in the Bible are actually to help you have a better life. Boundaries help prevent you from getting into bad relationships instead of waiting for a stable one, going through treatments for an STD instead of having one person that loves you enough to marry you…or not knowing what to do because you are pregnant when that wasn’t part of your plan. If you have decided to have sex outside of marriage, you must be very responsible and do everything in your power to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. Both you and your partner should use precautions… birth control for the female, and additional forms of birth control as well, but know that nothing is 100% effective other than abstinence for either unwanted pregnancies nor STD’S. If you are pregnant now you can use this information about sex going forward.


Finding Out You are Pregnant and Not Knowing What To Do

Our lives all start out the same, growing under the heart of a pregnant woman. We were all at one time unborn babies. Perhaps you were expected and your mom was full of excitement and looking forward to having a baby and being a mom. On the flip side, maybe news of being pregnant was not wanted, welcomed, or expected. Perhaps your mom was not ready to be a mom or maybe felt she couldn’t give a baby the kind of life it deserves. Maybe your birth mother was carrying you for someone else who longed to have and love a child but couldn’t carry that baby herself. If you are experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, adoption is an option to consider. 
News that you are expecting a baby means different things to different people…excitement for some and an inconvenience to others. It can be overwhelming for someone who is alone.
A lot of it depends on the situation you are in at that moment. Some are not married, some do not have jobs and are not ready financially, while others just do not want children. Some people call an unexpected baby a mistake, an accident, or a problem; especially when the man or boy is not wanting to be a father. The reality is the couple made an irresponsible decision. A baby is not a mistake. A baby is a baby and had no involvement in the way or method they were conceived. A baby didn’t choose to be conceived as the results of a one-night stand, or especially an act where the woman didn’t want nor invite the advances of the man in the first place… There are instances of date rape and other violations that should never happen to any woman; and if she becomes pregnant, there are 2 lives that will forever be changed while neither one had a say in the matter. When you think about it, the baby is a victim as well. I wrote this blog called  Two Victims that discusses this issue.

Unborn babies do not get to choose their parents and have virtually no say in the choices being made for them. 
The news of a Wanted pregnancy causes excitement in the entire family, whether it is Planned or Unexpected for those who want a baby. Preparing the nursery, picking out names, and looking forward to every event leading up to the day they will get to meet their baby face to face for the first time. There are some cases where the man is very supportive. I am just giving different scenarios that could occur. 
Can you imagine as an unborn baby if they only knew that they were not wanted and that the woman who is carrying them is actually planning to end their life? This has happened to many people especially when a girl/woman thinks her circumstances are not the best for bringing a baby into the world. She may not be married, but he said he loved her. When she finds out she is pregnant and knows it wasn’t planned, she thinks things will work out alright because of his words. However, when she tells him, his entire attitude towards her could change. He even may tell her he would have his friends say they had slept with her as well.  I understand this is actually a very common occurrence when a young girl tells the boy/man that she is pregnant outside of marriage.
When a girl is suddenly totally alone without support from the person who helped get her into the situation she is in, it’s no wonder the girl doesn’t want the baby. I totally understand that she may not want to be pregnant with his baby at all. That being said, the baby, on the other hand, had nothing to do with the conception and deserves to have the opportunity to live. That baby is apart of you as well. When I was born, it was not acceptable to be unmarried and pregnant and the baby was not accepted either. The infant was labeled illegitimate, a real baby but not accepted. The parents were just not together, which is what changes the status from legitimate to illegitimate or a more raw and derogatory term labeled as a bastard…Young girls were sent out of town to have their babies so no one would ever know and they could both have a chance to be accepted in society. Today, things are different and there are so many more options. If you have ever watched “The Locator” or “Long Lost Family”, they are television programs about either a birth mom or a child that was given away, that begin looking for each other… It’s very touching as both are usually able to heal and to connect in some way while others may not want to connect or can’t …either way, it’s a piece of your puzzle. Some people never want to reconnect at all and that’s alright too. The point is, you are both able to make a life for yourself and live out your life story.
I will share links to places to get help in many positive ways that are win-win options. Choices that will not end in regret and heartbreak of what might have been. Do not let anyone tell you abortion is best for you and that the baby is just a blob of tissue. The fetus – it’s a baby. Watch some videos of ultrasounds to know this is true. I was amazed when I had an ultrasound with my first born. I wasn’t that far along and she actually stretched her arms above her head, yawned, and put her thumb in her mouth and began sucking her thumb!! Up until that moment, I had not visualized her a being an actual baby that could do things just like a newborn could. What an eye-opener! I will share video links as well that will show you things similar to what I saw that day.  There is a movie called “Gosnell” coming out in October about an abortion doctor. The movie will show lots of things that no one wants to know about – the truth of what can go on in an abortion clinic. I will share actual interviews with people who used to work at the clinics as well as some of the doctors that used to do abortions and why they no longer do abortions. Life can change quickly. Sometimes the difference between wanted and unwanted situations is simply a matter of just waiting.  Think about what you want your life to be like. Do you want to go to college, have a career, a family? Continue reading and look at all your options. 

 


You have options and choices if you are pregnant and not ready to raise a baby:

Girls/women with unwanted pregnancies now have many options. Abortion is a decision that can never be undone or changed; so if you decide to have an abortion, you need to know exactly what this entails and be educated on the procedures and emotional issues you may face afterward. (Refer to Lisa’s story  or some of the videos of women who have had abortions and shared their experience.)
Giving a child to someone who wants a child is such a gift, a blessing, it’s called Adoption. For someone to say “I don’t want this baby but I just couldn’t ever give my baby to someone else” is one of the most selfish statements I have ever heard. It makes no sense … you are basically saying “I would rather kill you and take away any opportunities for you to live your life than give you to another family.” You will regret a decision like this.
I think the best decision is actually started before you have an unwanted pregnancy… being intimate can cause conception to occur. Think about that… abortion should not be an option used as birth control. You knew there was a chance you could get pregnant. I personally do not feel its biblical to have relations before marriage, however, I know not everyone feels this way. If you are one of those people, take precautions both of you, male and female.  There is also the morning after pill – like I said, prevention is worth a pound of cure. My goal is to help save a life. Know before it happens that it’s a possibility and if you make the right choice for both you and the baby, it will not be convenient; but the inconvenience will be much better than the lifelong regret, guilt, and shame that comes with the alternative decision.
When you stand before God, you can’t say things like, “God I just wasn’t ready to be a parent”, or “I didn’t want to gain weight.” If you are ready to have sex, you need to be ready to be responsible for your actions. Take responsibility for your actions. If you become pregnant, you have options other than abortion. Unacceptable excuses like weight gain, not having time, it is inconvenient, I don’t want it, I don’t have time for this, I’m in college, I have a job, I do not have enough money to raise a child, I don’t want to be a single mom, I’m just a kid myself…. these are not reasons to end a pregnancy. You do not have to keep the baby, but these are all great reasons to abstain from sex or have sex in a responsible way; but know this, nothing is 100% all the time. There is nothing 100% effective in preventing an unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, nor HIV, except abstinence of course. Even if you have already been through this, you can’t change the past; but you can change where you go from this moment on.

This is a great movie for anyone that’s considering abortion.

 


Links Leading to Options
click the options below and you will go directly to the website

Links that show videos- the truth about abortion
**these are not intended for children – especially the last one which is very graphic

 


What can help me forgive myself if I have already had an abortion?

*Ask God to forgive you. He is the mender of the broken-hearted.
*Give your baby a name. If you are unsure of the gender, choose two names. You will see your baby again someday and the baby deserves a name.
*Write a letter to your unborn baby using the baby’s name/names. In that letter, apologize to the baby. Ask for forgiveness. Write as though you are speaking to your child and say what is on your heart. Refer to your baby from this day forward as your baby or by its name you have chosen for the baby.
*Ask God to help you forgive yourself. You made a mistake. You are human and were not as informed as you should have been on the subject of abortion. The past can’t be changed nor undone, but these steps will help by changing your outlook on the future because you will be reunited with God and you will see your child someday. Think about the future, not the past.
*You may even be able to help someone else with this decision because you have been there and know what they are going through.
*Some Pregnancy Resource Centers also offer counseling for people who have had abortions

Help after an abortion
Rape, Abortion, Breast Cancer How she overcame it all


Movies:

*This is a great movie for everyone to watch. Not your expected ending. Trailer of Meant To Be

This is a link to a movie about Dr. Gosnell that will be released in theatres Oct. 2018

Movie coming out October 2018 about the serial killer who killed babies born alive.. no sugar coating here

2019 movie called “Unplanned” is a very well done movie based on a true story about a Planned Parenthood Director.
Unplanned movie trailer  

 

song…Unplanned by Matthew West


Stories of women who had abortions:
A story of a woman who had gotten pregnant from an affair, her abortion story

Click here to see how one woman overcame, rape, abortion and breast cancer

 

Long Lost Family, product of rape then adopted..reunited with birth mother

 


True Story of a Young Girl Named Lisa Who Had An Abortion: She Is Now Ready To Share Her Story

 



Survivors of abortion stories:

Video of a survivor of an attempted abortion then adopted… her story

 


Another Story Written From the Heart

  She Chose Grace:

 

      Our story is not as dramatic or amazing as some I have read, but it’s one I can speak of from personal experience and share with you from my heart. 
      Do you think you could ever get past the fact that your mom had at one time tried to abort you?! The answer is yes. In the beginning, her actions were being driven from anger, hurt, rejection, and desperation of not knowing how to get out of the situation she was in…this is our story and I hope it touches lives while saving others.

Before I knew my birth mother’s whole story, I remember as a child hearing whispers from relatives who we only visited ever once in a while because they lived hours away. The whispers were about who my mother really was; not the person I knew at that time as my mother, but someone else. I never let on that I overheard anything because I didn’t know what would happen… would everything change? I just wasn’t sure, so I remained silent. I didn’t want things to turn out in a negative way. 

Once I grew up and knew the entire story, I understood the opposite was actually true. My mother chose grace in her life and mine.  I think if it hadn’t been kept a secret that things would have been better all the way around, but in those days I think they thought they were protecting me and perhaps my birth mother as well. They were doing what they felt was best. When I was much older, I found out that my birth father was killed in a horrible car accident when I was 4 or 5 years old. You need all the pieces to the puzzle to be able to see the complete picture.
My birth mother grew up in a poor family and she had been through some things in her life that shouldn’t have happened to her  … she was sexually assaulted more than once. When she as a preteen (she went hitchhiking and was picked up by a stranger who took advantage of her), and once in her 20’s. After this  assault (which occurred 2-3 years after I was born), she turned to prescription drugs, speed, Xanax, and alcohol. I know it was a way to deal with everything that she had been through and a way to try to escape her reality. She couldn’t handle any of it mentally or emotionally on her own; but I remember that when she gave her life to God, she was able to get off all the addictive meds and alcohol. For the most part, she was a kind and good person at heart; but these things that had happened to her caused her to build a wall, to put on a stern persona at times as a way to protect herself from further hurt, but even that didn’t really work. Even later in her life, she hurt people with her words; but she always regretted hurting someone. She said she didn’t know why, but when someone said something that hurt her feelings, she immediately lashed out with words to hurt them as well.

 Later in life, her doctor prescribed Xanax, which alters the way you think; and most people falsely think that what they are saying is alright. Words are powerful…so be careful with them.
She didn’t even believe in abortion, so I’m sure she never thought she would ever consider having one.
At first, I thought that she just gave me away and was never around; but that wasn’t true either… she had given me to the woman she loved more than anything, a person whom she admired, trusted and was her hero. That person was her very own precious mother. What a wonderful thing to do. Her mother became my mother too. What a blessing. So, you see, she was able to watch me grow up and help raise me the best she could. She wasn’t ready or capable of being a mother at that time and she knew it. You can not give someone else what you do not have in you to give. She gave me what she could.

She loved giving to others so much that she couldn’t even wait for Christmas or your birthday to give you your gift… Giving always gave her so much joy!
When she was sixteen almost seventeen, she started dating a man that was 8 years older than her. She said she thought he was so cool, strong, and handsome. He said all the right things, especially to a girl that really wanted to believe everything he said. When she got pregnant at seventeen, everything changed… Her heart was broken and she found herself in a bad situation. Can you imagine as an unborn baby not knowing that you are not wanted and that the woman who is carrying you is actually planning to end your life? This was my case at the beginning of my life as an unborn baby. My mother regretted ever thinking about or doing what she did to try to end my life. Her circumstances were not the best for bringing a baby into the world – or so she thought. She was not married when she became pregnant, but she thought things would work out alright because he loved her. However, when she told him of the unplanned pregnancy, his entire attitude towards her changed. He even told her he would have his friends say they had slept with her as well. She was very hurt and in shock. I understand this is actually a very common occurrence when a young girl tells the boy/man that she is pregnant outside of marriage. When a girl is suddenly totally alone without support from the person who helped get her into the situation she was in, it’s no wonder the girl doesn’t want the baby. I totally understand that she didn’t want to be pregnant and didn’t want his baby. That being said, I, on the other hand, had nothing to do with my conception and I deserved to have the opportunity to live. I never said I didn’t love her or that I didn’t want to be part of her life or that I didn’t want to live, whether it was with her or another family.

Back when I was born, it was not acceptable to be unmarried with a child. The baby was not accepted either. The infant was labeled illegitimate, a real baby but not accepted. My parents were just not together which is what changed my status from legitimate to illegitimate … During this era some girls were sent out of town to have the babies so no one would ever know and they could both have a chance to be accepted in society. Today, things are very different and there are so many more options. Unwed mothers and their babies are accepted and not looked down upon by most people.
Back then, your reputation would be ruined and it brought shame to the family. She felt so ashamed and she just didn’t know how she could face her mother. She knew better than to be with a man unless you were married and she knew that could come with a price. She didn’t want to hurt her mother in any way and would do anything not to. Her name was Connie. She never once thought about the baby at that time; she only thought of all the reasons why she didn’t want to be pregnant. When a person is in this situation, they are focused on the situation and give little or no thought about the baby. Some will even call it a blob or a bunch of cells, but we are all made up of a bunch of cells.
Connie discussed everything that had happened with her best friend and her friend told her of a way out that would fix everything…her friend had heard about an old lady that lived deep in the woods at the edge of town who had helped many girls in her predicament get rid of “such problems”. My birth mother didn’t really want to go that route but didn’t feel she had an option, so they went to see this woman. The old lady acted like she understood and really wanted to help her. She mixed up a concoction, poured it into a jar and put a lid on it, handed it to Connie and told her not to drink it quickly…just a few sips at a time until it was all gone. The woman said the concoction had worked many times before and was very effective.
Walking down the railroad tracks that led back into town, she began to take a sip here and there. She said goodbye to her friend once they reached their street. She went inside her home. It was dark. Everyone was in bed. “Good,” she thought, “No one to answer to…” She continued drinking and all of a sudden she felt strange. She set the jar down (which only had a swallow left in it) and all of a sudden …everything went black…
When she came to, her head was in her mother’s lap. Her mother’s name was Grace, and she had a concerned look on her face and asked what happened. My birth mother, Connie, began to cry and told her what was going on… Her mother hugged her and told her the worst thing that could happen was for her to lose Connie … Connie said, “But, I’m pregnant.”… Her mother smiled and said, “Well, I guess we are going to have us a baby.” She told her not to worry that everything was going to be alright. Connie trusted her mother and believed that everything would be alright. She was so relieved that her mother knew the truth and still loved her. Of course, she was still very hurt and angry about my birth father, but there was nothing she could do about that. I survived the abortion attempt by a concoction that had worked for many others. I don’t know why I survived …I do know that Connie had a praying mother; and, as I write this I can’t help but wonder if sharing our story may be part of the reason I am here…just maybe I can help someone else with our story
…      Connie told me that God knew she was going to need me to pray for her once her own mother passed away.

Connie did love me and wanted the best for me; she just didn’t feel like she was what was best for me…and to me, that is sad. She did the best she could with what she had in her to give. Once she had support She gave me the greatest gift imaginable: the gift of life and the gift of her mother as my own. I was born on Valentine’s Day and my name, well … She Chose Grace… In my thoughts, both are reminders from God that I am loved and that I am supposed to be here. Connie said I was the best Valentine she ever received ♥. She chose Grace as my mother, she chose Grace for my name, and she chose to accept the Grace of God to get her through all that she had been through.
When Connie was in the hospital having me the nurse kept trying to get her to sign papers for me to be adopted,  but she fought to keep me in her family. She had to get the head nurse to make the other nurse leave her alone.
When I grew up and had my own family, I realized I had the best of both worlds. In 2015, when she told me the part about the abortion attempt, she asked me to forgive her for what she had tried to do; and I told her I did and I did! She said it amazed her that I was so forgiving. Now, especially as an adult, I understood why she did what she did including the abortion attempt. (That’s why I want to help anyone who is in the situation that she was in, helping them to know there are many options out there now and that you are not alone.)

  I don’t know if she ever truly forgave herself. She had given her life to the Lord many, many years ago and that helped her a lot with the addictions, the rejection, and the sexual assaults. I was blessed to be raised by her mother. She was an amazing, loving, Christian woman. I often wondered why she was so protective and strict with me, but now I know and I understand. I am so blessed to be alive. Not everyone was as fortunate as I was; and as I said before, I don’t know why I survived other than the facts that she had a praying mother and she passed out before she consumed the last of the concoction. Maybe that one last sip would have ended my life. With everything she had been through in her life, I understand why she felt the way she did…how confused, hurt, angry, and rejected she must have felt. I also know that abortion was not the right answer.  I believe if she had succeeded in aborting me, that she would have never been the same; and I don’t know if she would have survived the guilt. I believe it would have started a chain reaction… I wouldn’t be here, she wouldn’t be here, her mother’s heart would have been broken, and perhaps she would have died sooner than she did. My sister wouldn’t be here…our children wouldn’t be here…and on and on. Every action causes a reaction, so do not think that what you decide doesn’t matter. Have you ever watched the Christmas movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life?” Yes, it’s just a movie, but one filled with such truth and inspiration. We all make a difference. It’s up to us whether it’s a positive difference or not… choices do cause a domino effect. Sometimes an unwanted or unexpected situation turns into a blessing.
I knew Connie had given me to her mother since I was young, even though no one else knew that I knew… I didn’t find out about the attempted abortion until 2015, so I have one more miracle added to my life story. I am here for a reason. I want to make my life count and leave a legacy that can help others. Sometimes you may not want to share your story; but if it can help one person, it’s worth it. When it was all said and done, Connie loved me and I loved her. Connie was a strong person in many ways and weak in others. She had been hurt deeply at times but she loved deeply as well. She passed on 2-07-17 one day before her birthday and one week before mine. I had the honor of being with her during that time,  although a very emotional time as well. Watching a loved one leave this world is not easy.
I have been through a lot in my life, things. that has been hard. I will share more in another post when I feel the time is right. Even with the hard times, I have had many more blessings in my life that I choose to focus on. Count your blessings and accept Gods mercy and grace. He can make something beautiful of your life.
Sometimes when you have the opportunity to look back on your life you realize you have a wonderful life. LIfe is full of choices I pray you to make the right one.
This is a short clip I recorded after seeing the movie unplanned. unplanned Grace

I am so glad, She Chose Grace 

 

 

You may enjoy:

https://shechosegrace.com/2018/10/02/dating-with-a-purpose/

https://shechosegrace.com/2018/10/02/what-do-girls-really-want/

 

 

Two Victims

 


Scriptures about sex outside of marriage or extramarital affairs: 

what does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage or fornication and adultery

the truth about sex, questions and answers

Scriptures about unborn babies

Thus says the LORD who made you And formed you from the womb, who will help you, ‘Do not fear, O Jacob My servant; And you Jeshurun whom I have chosen.

Jeremiah 20:17

Because he did not kill me before birth, So that my mother would have been my grave, And her womb ever pregnant.

Psalm 139:13-16

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You. When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

Ecclesiastes 11:5

Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things.

Job 10:19

”I should have been as though I had not been, Carried from womb to tomb.”

Exodus 21:22

“If men struggle with each other and strike a woman with child so that she gives birth prematurely, yet there is no injury, he shall surely be fined as the woman’s husband may demand of him, and he shall pay as the judges decide.

Psalm 51:5

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me.

Isaiah 49:1

Listen to Me, O islands, And pay attention, you peoples from afar The LORD called Me from the womb; From the body of My mother, He named Me.

Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Luke 1:41

When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.

Exodus 21:22-24 (NIV)

22 “If people are fighting and hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows. 23 But if there is a serious injury, you are to take life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, 25 burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.

 

I wonder what he would think about someone purposely taking the life of an unborn baby..food for thought…it Breaks his heart just as it does ours, he will forgive and help you to forgive yourself.. he mends broken hearts

 

 

 

 

 

 

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